By Manik Rege
I met my ex-crush yesterday.
By ‘ex-crush’ I mean she’s someone I liked a lot…but couldn’t get…and I’m with some other girl now but it’s not the same…because I’ll never love anyone else like I loved her; alright yes…
…I still hopelessly crush on her and I always will but I’m obligated to behave like a normal human being and pretend that I’ve happily moved on with my life..so I really need to forg…bleh, it’s complicated.
The truth is, you never really move on from some people. They stay in your thoughts forever. No matter how many times you love in the future, nobody, I repeat, nobody, will ever be able to claim the space these ‘ghosts’ have occupied in your heart.
When my girlfriend and I were discussing this yesterday, I confessed that I’ll never love her like I loved my ‘ex-crush.’ To my surprise, she smiled and said, “I know. I totally understand.”
Maybe she misses someone she once loved, just like I do. Maybe she has an ‘ex-crush’ too. Maybe she left someone when she didn’t want to and that decision still haunts her today.
I know how she feels. I’ve been there and felt that myself. And you know what? It hurts so bloody much. The worst feeling in the world comes from loving people so deeply and then having to let them go like they didn’t mean anything to you at all.
You can try your best to pretend that you’ve forgotten everything and made a fresh new start. But that’s just the bullshit you make up to keep yourself from breaking down when you see your past walking straight up towards your pale lifeless body.
That’s exactly what happened yesterday when I bumped into my ‘ex-crush’ at a party. I panicked; I became super-awkward. I was wondering what to say. Thankfully, I managed to escape the venue before any uncomfortable discussions could begin. I called up my girlfriend and asked her to meet me immediately.
We talked for hours. I cried in her arms. And then we kissed each other like we’ve never kissed before. At that moment, I fell in love with her all over again. I’ve been falling in love with her every day for the past two years. All this time with her has taught me a very important lesson about love.
Most people say that love happens only once in your lifetime. I find that hard to believe. I think you can fall in love every day or never experience it at all. You can fall in love with one person a thousand times or you can meet a thousand people and not love a single one.
Of course, you’ll never love two people with the same intensity and feelings. But you will definitely fall in love with two people or three…heck, maybe even a dozen more.
Love is not a constant, you see. It changes its meaning every day. It has the power to make you feel different for each and every moment of your life. And the most amazing thing is that you can find love absolutely anywhere, totally free of cost.
So trust me when I say, “YOU will definitely FIND LOVE AGAIN!”
Let me warn you, though. It will neither be the same as last time nor will it be the last time you love. That’s the beauty of life. Your purpose here is to keep exploring new people, places and emotions.
Your purpose here is to sail the violent oceans and not rust off on the shore. Your purpose here is not to merely exist but to grow.
So go out, get hurt and rediscover yourself with every squall. Don’t be afraid to be torn apart. Let your heart get carried away with the stormy winds.
Fall in love with stupid people and do stupid things in love. Make a mess out of everything and be strong enough to clean it up after you finish crying.
Pick up the pieces by yourself and hand over your broken heart to someone who will preserve it like a golden treasure. If that person breaks it too, pick up the pieces once again. But this time, be smart and keep them to yourself.
Maybe it’s a sign that the special person you’re looking for is not out there but deep inside. Maybe life is trying to tell you that you need to stop searching for love everywhere and simply look within.
Maybe you are your own hero.
Maybe you are your own true love. Now have you tried confessing that to yourself yet?